Yesterday one beautiful yogi left us. She was the person who helped me discover, find beauty, and love in yoga. I heard this before, and now I can confirm — when someone we know commits suicide, we can't help but wonder if we could have done something to prevent it.
Probably not, but still, I wonder, because I noticed she's been unusually quiet on her social media channels lately. In the past, she was a heavy poster, sharing her yoga practices, dancing in front of the mirror, and all kinds of positive things.
For the past couple of weeks, I occasionally thought about her and told myself I have to contact her. It would be a simple Instagram message. How are you, what's up? But life happened, and I kept putting it off. And now it's too late. It probably wouldn't change anything, but I can't help myself wondering. What if ...
As I'm putting the pieces together now, it all seems so obvious. There was always this subtle tone of struggle and pain in her posts. Whenever we spoke privately, she revealed some childhood family trauma. And every discussion was about life and death. But she was such a beautiful and positive figure.
This reminds me of comments after Robin Williams's death. He was so happy. Only he wasn't.
Sonder. Notice it.
It might be tough to discover those inner struggles, and we might not be able to help, but if I learned something — for My Kaizen Way — it's never to postpone reaching out. Not for a day. You never know.
God bless you, my dear beautiful Yogi. Your smile and spirit will be with me with every practice. You gave me so much, and I will forever remain grateful. You introduced me to Xavier, so let's share this song that is now our song.
I hope you found your peace. I hope you found your peace.